OK, there's been a lot of vagina talk lately, and out of some sick stroke of luck, I found THIS (dun dun dun)! What the motherfucking fuck? Cloth maxi pads? Are you fucking serious?
This is the little gem that gave me the heebie geebies:
" Looking to save a little? You can always wash your pads during your cycle and use them again."
Not in my lifetime, ladies. Lookit, I'm all for saving the environment and I'm all for other people saving the environment. I reuse plastic bags and recycle as much as I can, but the day I start using cloth maxi pads during that special time of the month when I basically want to murder the world is the day I start calling myself "Steve."
And while we're talking about The Monthly Bill, can we please stop with the "Have a happy period" commercials? I know we're all supposed to be enlightened about our bodies, we've all read the books, and we're all sisters who mail each other pants and shit, but for reals, it is NEVER a happy time of the month and I sure as hell wouldn't call it a "Party in my Pants." The Red Death happens every month and by the time we hit 17, women have basically accepted their monthly fate. You don't need to make us feel good about it and you certainly shouldn't make us feel like we should like it, for God's sake.
All this feminine marketing bullshit makes me long for the days when girls could get out of gym class just by saying they had "female problems." Periods are reminders that we're not pregnant this month and should be commiserated about together over martinis, much like how our grandpas would go down to the VFW and rehash The Battle of the Bulge with their buddies. At least that's how I like to think of The Curse, a war story we relive every month, not some mystical cycle of life that periodically ruins a good pair of underpants.
P.S. I'm not totally dissing this idea, BTW. It seems like it has a good following, it just wouldn't be my thang.
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9 people who bitched:
Just banish me to the edge of the village with some Ben and Jerrys and Jamison.
I have seen those but shockingly I've never heard of anyone using them. Why go for something so high-maintenance when diva cups are catching on?
My vagina is angry about this.
Seriously, kudos to the ladies that can deal with it. I'll stick with my cooter plugs.
I really don't think you do care about the environment. All those maxi's and minis, "pearls", and bazookas...is that what you call em...tampons...filling up landfills from here to Timbucktoo...getting dragged home by errant dogs...
I thought you cared...I really did.
Pastor Dr H.O. Potamust III phD, tiT, mAd, JD
A war story? Is it really that bad? But, this is coming from someone who hasn't had one in, what, about 2 years, so maybe I'm forgetting something. I once worked with someone from Indonesia who said that there the women were allowed a day off every month for their "feminine troubles." So they would all plan together the month before which day they wanted off.
My vagina finds that revolting, and I don't even have a vagina. It's like those cloth diapers. Blech!
I love being able to pee standing up.
Speaking of having a happy period...
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/openletters/6always.html
If I could have two superpowers they'd be:
1. The ability to be a woman who can pee standing up.
2. The ability to sleep with my eyes open.
Also, I read somewhere about Hello Kitty reusable pantyliners. Wait, maybe I blogged about it...yeah, I did. Hello Kitty that close to my no-no spot makes me uncomfortable.
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