Seriously, if it's not Mega, I'm not interested. I have a lot of shitting to do, and those pussy double rolls of Cottonelle just won't cut it. Do you think I'm made of money, motherfucker?
Cosmo approves of my purchase, he shits a lot too, and since Gawd doesn't make cats with Mega sized tongues, he can't wait to get his claws into this fucker.
One day, I dream of the day when the R & D department at Procter and Gamble develop a roll of toilet paper spans the width of my desk. Until that happy day, I must settle for a roll slightly wider than this highlighter.
Seriously, this thing is so Mega that if I had a toilet paper holder, the motherfucker wouldn't even fit on it and I would have to spend my hard earned money on a roll extender (they sell them at Target, I shit you not). Not only would I need a roll extender, but I'd probably need to use extra-long Mega screws made out of Tungsten to make sure the roll holder wouldn't be torn from the wall under the massive weight of this huge goddamn roll of TP
I, for one, am glad that I live in a country where people are free to buy giant rolls of toilet paper without shame and judgment. Freedom ain't free, so go out and get yourself some Mega rolls of toilet paper to support your giant bran muffin and Venti Starbucks habit. It's the American fucking way.
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18 people who bitched:
My ass is sorry to report that state government has not picked up on this trend. There's no rawness like 1-ply rawness.
my boyfriend described similar tp as "being like wiping with a flannel shirt."
Kevin- my company too...you would think health care would realized that we need to be tender on our asses.
christina- Oh, god, I love this new brand of Charmin...it's even better than Ultra Northern.
As long as it doesn't leave a lint trail I'm all about it. Nothing worse than having to pick tp out of your "special place".
There's actually a school of thought that says using MEGA is more environmentally friendly than regular wipes. More paper on fewer rolls means less cardboard for the rolls. So not only are you are great American, you're also a green American, which makes you the Greatest American.
LMFAO... sing it, sister!
I love toilet paper.
Especially after spending time in places where: a) the TP rarely exists or is the texture of banana leaves, and b) it's not allowed to be flushed and must instead be placed in a teensy, disease-infested receptacle nearby. (*shiver*)
America ROCKS.
Melissa- unfortunately, Charmin is very linty.
Jason- ha! And I wasn't even trying. Unfortunately, Charmin isn't septic system friendly, I hear...
Ranty- Oh god, I know of what you speak and it makes me want to freak out right now.
Ranty, how long does it take for one to recover from the rectal damage wrought by the standard Minnesota 1-ply? I fear there's irreparable damage.
I hate those giant rolls because you shouldn't have to hack out a chunk of drywall behind the dispenser for the luxury of using mega rolls. As for other giant rolls, my mind goes to the spare tire-sized rolls in Target store restrooms. Makes me want to scream in pain and laugh all at the same time.
hey i have those and they fit on the tp holder.
also, i feel bad for buying them because i also use them as tissues. they are so soft on my nose!
ps. love this post. do you talk in person how you talk on your blog? that would be awesome and rare.
I'll always splurge on toilet paper! After using public school's sandpaper for a number of years, I need that soft and cuddly feel of heaven on my ass.
I use Charmin with aloe and Pamper's baby wipes. Take care of your butthole. It's the only one you have...unless you are a freak with more than one. If that's the case, please email me some pictures.
Pfffft -- I'd still use three rolls after my Friday curry.
I buy that shit too...I'm all about it. In fact, I was just talking to my mother about it, trying to persuade her to buy some. She buys that crappy toilet paper that is like wiping your ass with a piece of freaking tissue paper. That shit doesn't grab anything...it just smears the poop around your ass so you end up using MORE of it anyway!
Where has that marker been?
I buy Charmin Trustfund
My ass requires the softness of coddled luxury.
I'm just picturing you artfully posing that highlighter next to the toilet paper so you could take the photo and for some reason that is cracking me up.
I posted my last comment like two days ago and the happy bear behind the pink marker and roll of tp is still grinding that 6pack like it's 2 for 1's.
WTF?
Right on, sister.
It just goes to show that when Sheryl Crowe said she wanted us to use one square of TP, she had clearly never experienced the thrill of buying the mega roll.
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