After the ex and I split two years ago, I was convinced I would never love another (and there are still days I feel that way). Friends counseled me that I had to just "get out there" and date. But I didn't really want to. Every date I went on, I kind of half-assed it, knowing that the guy would never really be him, and hence, not worth my time or energy. This is not to say that these men were bad people, just not "him." And then I realized, I need to take baby steps. Sort of a way of dipping a toe in the dating pool...tempering the eggs, so to speak.
The first step was to actually go to a "meat market" and flirt with guys. Check. It was fun, but not really fulfilling.
The second step is the one I'm on now and the hardest to deal with. The second step is to develop a crush on someone. I'd like to say that yes, I do have a crush on someone (well, actually, two persons), and no, I'm not going to tell you who they are. And, no, I probably won't do anything about it, because that's how crushes work. You just secretly pine and dream and undress them mentally when you see them because the fantasy is always better than the reality. In your fantasy, the guy never farts while you're watching a movie on the couch, never cancels a date by text, never tells you he has an unhealthy obsession with Eva Mendes or World of Warcraft, or whatever. You never have to deal with tripping over his shoes in the kitchen or discover that he snores like a buzz saw and actually stops breathing at night so you lie awake all nigh worrying that he'll suffocate from sleep apnea or from you stuffing a sock in his mouth so he'll shut the hell up. He just remains this perfect, witty, charming, guy that you admire from afar and wonder if he thinks about you just before he turns out the light before falling asleep. It's all very Charlotte Bronte and Junior High at the same time. Revealing those feelings opens one up to rejection, something my pride just won't allow. But, because I'm familiar with the regret of never revealing my crushy-ness when I was in high school, it also becomes a situation of nothing ventured, nothing gained.
So, my question is this; would you rather live with regret or with a brief humiliation and situational awkwardness?
Monday, February 18, 2008
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18 people who bitched:
At the risk of being all After School Special, I'd never choose regret. However, only you can decide which of those choices would result in regret. I tend to go after what I want once I figure out what that is (that's usually the tricky part heh), so I've never let a crush go on by, whether that meant rejection or not.
You could pose it this way: Would you rather live a safe, humiliation-free but possibly boring life, or take some risks that could land you exactly what you want? Of course, you have to do a risk-reward analysis first and perhaps the farting and snoring aren't worth it. Sometimes they are. ;)
No regrets!
"I regret" stories are never interesting, for the person telling or for the audience.
I say go for it -- no matter what happens, you'll get a great story to tell. That's usually my motivation to do anything.
NoFX has a song called "Whoops, I O.D.'d" and in it there's a line that goes "Hate regrets more then apologies" - I find it pretty fitting.
The humiliation and situational awkwardness would be, like you said, brief. But regret, it lasts a long time.
Then again, I'm just saying what ever one else is also saying, so there ya go.
i say do it because that possible awkwardness will only last for a short time and if you guys are friends it will be alright.
here is another thought maybe he feels the same way....wouldn't you want to know?
I would choose to bottle it up until it gave me an ulcer, and die riddled with regret, but with my pride intact. But that's just me.
don't take this the wrong way but you are a freaking moron if you don't go for it.
if you get rejected just go out and get drunk to forget about it.
i have my own dilema. i just started dating a girl who i could see having a meaningful long term relationship with. unfortunately, i may have to move out of state. should i not bother hanging out with her anymore until i know what my situation will be?
I disagree with everyone. Regret is really awesome, everybody should try it sometime.
Ang- next you're gonna tell me to use a condom every time and warn me about the dangers of steroids, aren't ya? Hee!
Eda- that's why I keep those stories to myself, to fester and burn.
Jeremy- ahh, but I tend to relive the humiliation for years in my mind...
Kelly P.- That's the man's job, though, to tell the girl first that he likes her by punching her in the arm and pulling her hair.
Sandra- this is why you and I are friends.
Carl- HELL NO! Bang her brains out at least 3 times a day till you leave!
Dave- this is why you and I are friends.
Oh yeah, I guess Sandra and I do agree. SEE? We're totally right.
I agree with Dave Loomer and Sandra.
I have too many regrets for all the action I never took.
You had me at Eva Mendes.
I say go for it. If he rejects you, sleep with his best friend to get over it. At least that way he would hear about the sweet, freaky sex he could have gotten.
Is the point where you find out about his farting and WoW obsession before or after he finds out about the vast assortment of creams and powders in your bathroom and your fancy for indie/foreign romance films?
:)
Like a couple of others, being burned in the past has led me to regrets and humiliations galore. Now I pretty much just stay at home in my underpants, smoking crack until I can engage in a shootout with police.
Now, that sounds like a mighty sweet Craigslist entry...
Brief humiliation and situational awkwardness are practically my calling cards.
never live with regret.
My opinion is don't say anything to your crush. Instead, make efforts to hang out with them more and more and have fun as friends. If they feel the same way that you do, something is bound to happen. This saves you from potential awkwardness AND you won't lose a friend.
Wow. I feel like Dear Abbie.
you know.....i'd have to agree with hedy on this one as well.
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