Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Are You Still Madly In Love With Me?

If so, you should probably just go here from now on, since I've pretty much abandoned this space.

Well, until I have kids or take up some kind of obscure hobby like raising champion parakeets to bore you with.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Breaking News...

I have a boyfriend...

In related news...Is using the word "boyfriend" stupid after age 25?

Stay tuned for more exciting posts in about a month or two.

Monday, April 26, 2010

The Single Life is So Exciting

Last weekend I wrote a paper and cleaned all of my mini-blinds in the bathtub.

Look forward to another exciting post this weekend when I re-caulk my tub because my landlord is a worthless piece of shit.

Seriously, my life is THAT exciting.

Now, I need to scat because Mr. Big is blowing up my cell.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I'm an Excellent Driver

So, I'm coming up on my 10th anniversary as a Minneapolitan (Minneapolite?) and can finally consider my adoptive home as, well, home and myself as a full fledged local. I love it here, can navigate most areas in the city without consulting Google Maps, have a local watering hole (well...had, RIP Al's), and can make a fairly confident restaurant suggestion to visitors. HOWEVER, I will never get used to how asshole-y drivers are in this city. In Sioux Falls, most drivers are fairly clueless Sunday Brunch type drivers that drive you crazy by going the speed limit and not speeding up for yellow lights, but Minneapolitans are a whole 'nuttha breed. In my 10 years here, I have been:
  • honked at and cussed out for turning left (with my signal on) at intersections with no turn lane so many times I've lost count (WTF!)
  • been nearly killed twice in the work parking lot by assholes who run the stop sign
  • seen shitheads speed up when I'm crossing the street (granted, I'm usually jaywalking, but WTF?)
  • been nearly forced off the road by a school bus full of kids (TWICE)
  • rear-ended by a bitchy suburban mom driving an Expedition while yielding the right of way trying to merge onto Normandale Blvd
  • been nearly sideswiped by some fuckwit, who was apparently unfamiliar with the blindspot concept, while he was merging onto I-94 (this was the scariest moment of my life)
  • witnessed countless assholes block traffic for 10 minutes because they're stuck in the middle of the intersection due to their ill advised attempt to make the green arrow.
  • and seen people carreen through 3 lanes of traffic on the freeway because they apparently don't know how to plan ahead or use their turn signal.
Now, I don't want to disparage my fellow citizens, but seriously, I think I'm the only person in this city qualified to operate a car.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Valentine's Day is For Suckers

I'm not sure how it's possible, but in the last 2 months I've become even more cynical about relationships. I'd expound on this, but it will turn out to be the most whiny, self-indulgent post on the internet.

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Sushi and Sonny Bono

Friday night, my good friend Sandra and I went out for a girl's night of sushi and wine. If you're a fan of sushi, I highly recommend my new favorite spot, Bagu, in Southwest Minneapolis. Friday's and Saturday nights all of their bottles of wine are $15 and they have a pirate ship of sushi and sashimi. Really good sushi. On a pirate ship. Tuna, sea bass, salmon, seaweed salad, and these really awesome rolls fried in tempura, all for 36 bones. It was to die for and all situated in one of the cutest neighborhoods in Minneapolis. Also, don't drink half a bottle of red wine and follow it with 4 Amstel Lights. Trust me on this.

Bagu is also next to one of those cute little gift shops that seem to always be in affluent neighborhoods. You know those shops...the ones that sell strange little books, cards, handmade jewlery, and soaps. Everything a growing yuppie would need. ANYway...The Shop in the City is owned by this awesome woman who told us an improbable story about the french milled soaps I was interested in. In at nutshell, her brother, who lives in somewhere on the California coast, was friendly with Sonny Bono. Anyway, Mr. Cher introduced her to this soap manufacturer in Provence (where all the best soaps come from) who makes this wonderful natural, olive oil based soap scented with lavender and honey. Trust me, it was more interesting at the time. Then we talked about the Housewives of Orange County and that the neighborhood they live in is really kind of a dump for the nuveau riche who have fake money. And it was then I decided that women with white hair who own gift shops and can name drop Sonny Bono without irony kick ass.

Sunday, January 31, 2010


So, what do you do when you think you're ready to start dating again, but you're absolutely fucking terrified of being rejected and/or having your heart broken your first time out of the gate in over a year? And I don't mean terrified as in you'll be uncomfortable for a few weeks if it happens, I mean terrified as it it would probably make you want to never talk to another man for the rest of your life if it happens. Like you're so terrified to be disappointed again because of all the unpleasant things in life to deal with (death, unemployment, a giant zit in the middle of your forehead), that is the thing that will just cause you to move out to the woods and live off the grid for the rest of your life.

And here's the thing, I really do want to meet someone soon, but I'm concerned about the emotional fallout. I need guarantees in an endeavor where guarantees don't exist.